Do you need a second photographer, or "second shooter", for your wedding day? Your budget will definitely be the leading factor in your decision making, but there are some things you should consider when determining your photography budget and if you should hand out some extra cash for another photographer! (fun fact: all photos in this post were done by second shooters!)

GUYS GETTING READY

If your groom and groomsmen are getting ready at a separate location than you and you want to have photos of it, you definitely need a second shooter. The time spent traveling back and forth from location to location translates into moments lost for one photographer to be available to capture. A second shooter usually starts out the day in the bridal suite, then gets to spend some quality time with the guys right before your ceremony starts.

EXTRA HELP

Picture this (real world examples): Uh oh - you and your bridal party have to get somewhere, but your cars are at the reception and you were dropped off at the hotel. A nice photographer and second shooter will be more than happy to offer up their extra seats in the car! Or, you have a room full of groomsmen, lots of straight pins and boutonnieres, and no one knows how to attach them, where to attach them, or how it's supposed to look. Not one, but TWO wedding pro's to the rescue! How about this - you need to get family photos started but Aunt Patty has wandered off to the cocktail hour. Second shooter to the rescue! While your main photographer is starting Patty-less portraits of other family members, a second shooter can wrangle up any stray loved ones that are needed for photos. Sure, all of these situations can be avoided with good communication pre-wedding and some planning ahead, but there is ALWAYS something that pops up that we are more than capable of handling for you which means a LOT less stress for you!

MULTIPLE ANGLES

If you are doing a first look, a second shooter is a must in order to capture the reactions of both you and your soon to be hubby. A photographer team will know exactly where to stand as to not be in each other's pictures, and you can be sure that you will get the most genuine reactions captured in real time. It's also great to have a second shooter during the ceremony to get both of your reactions to vows, multiple angles of the kiss, and a variety or wide and close up shots of the same moments!

TONS OF DETAILS

Etsy has nothing on you. People pin YOUR stuff on Pinterest. If you are a DIY bride and have tons of details and custom pieces, a second shooter is a great idea! If each centerpiece is different and you want photos of them, a second shooter is a MUST! While your main photographer will be sure to capture all the details she can, its always great to make sure every little thing is covered by having a second shooter all over the place while pre-reception portraits are being finished up! It's also very helpful to have a second shooter sneak away right after the ceremony to get some wide-angle, untouched room shots of the reception before guests arrive.

CANDIDS GALORE

If having lots of photos and memories of your guests having fun is really important to you, then a second shooter should be too. While one photographer "works the dance floor", the other can be snapping candids of non-dancey guests that would never otherwise be in the photos! The availability of two photographer at once also helps with the times where lots of events are happening at once, like the bridal dance or bouquet/garter tosses! 

GROUP SHOTS

A another set of hands and another brain full of logistical skills can also help out a lot with group photos. Whether it's helping to manage the list of family members for post-ceremony portraits, or going around to each table at the reception and getting group photos while your main photographer is on the dance floor, a second shooter saves so much time and ensures that every guest makes it into a photo! 

Here are some amazing shots all done by second shooters! Its our hope that thinking through the day from multiple angles, multiple places, and multiple people's perspectives will help you choose what kind of coverage is right for you!

Are you dreading your wedding day because of the thought of everyone looking at you? Recently, I was asked by one of my future brides-to-be if I had any advice for people that are camera shy, self-conscious, or just otherwise super awkward around, and hate the idea of being in front of a camera. Let me first say this - not a single one of my brides emerged on the other side of their wedding day photos feeling that they totally bombed. This beautiful bride featured here absolutely rocked her photos, but admittedly did not totally love being in the spotlight with all eyes on her all the time. You would never know it, though, from how serene and peaceful the photos turned out!! But back to the original question - how can you survive your wedding day if you are totally freaked out by your personal paparazzi that you, ironically, hired to follow you around all day? 

STALK YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER

If you already have your photographer picked out, follow their Instagram, like their Facebook page, learn the name of their dog, and memorize their blood type. Just kidding - at least about the last two (my dog's name is Ibanez and my blood is A-, in case you were wondering...). It is very helpful for your photographer, though, if you scope out some of their go-to poses and share which ones you really like the look of. Chances are, when YOU are put in that pose, you will like the result too! If you love the look of candids, full-length shots, close-ups, serious expressions, whatever! - tell your photographer! Have a realistic eye, though - focus on the people and how their bodies look and not on the backgrounds or other details that are unique for every wedding.

FESS UP ABOUT YOUR "FLAWS"

Before your wedding, have an honest heart-to-heart with your photographer about parts of yourself that you don't exactly love. I'm all about #BodyPositive, but I'm also (refreshingly?) realistic, and realize that you MAY not love your arms, teeth, feet, etc. Your husband to be, your photographer, and your bridesmaids all think you look perfect, but if YOU don't feel that way, it will effect how you feel as you are being photographed! Let me know what you're conscious of, and then I can also keep a sharp lookout for those same things and let you know if you need to stand up straighter, look a certain direction, drop your chin, etc. It's also helpful knowing those areas you want to avoid for choosing flattering poses.

ACCENTUATE YOUR ASSETS

And then even more importantly, let's shout the things you love about yourself from the rooftops!!! If you love your hair, you best believe we will get some killer close-ups. If you love your curves, full-length shots are in your future, dear! It's so important to focus on the positives, and if you spend some time really zeroing in on things you actually LIKE about yourself, you might just give yourself the confidence boost you need to rock your portraits like a super-model.

ASK FOR FEEDBACK

If you hire a cool photographer that's not a jerk, ahem, then they will be more than happy to share some sneak-peeks from the back of the camera! A good photographer will also give you verbal feedback as you go and affirm that you are nailing the poses and creating some beautiful portraits! Don't be afraid to speak up for some validation if you need it - chances are, you will grow more comfortable and confident as they day goes on that by the end of the night, you will just be focused on the most important thing - being. married. 

---

I hope you enjoy this beautiful, intimate wedding featured below. Lindsey and Aaron's 50 person backyard ceremony/reception was everything that a slow summer night full of magic could offer. I was mildly obsessed with the dried floral crowns and bridal bouquet, and the mis-matched bridesmaid floral wrap dresses added the perfect touch of whimsy to the entourage. The details were quaint and carefree - pastel glass votives and lanterns, geometric metal accents, floral paper lanterns and straws, and the sweetest floral covered homemade arbor for the ceremony! The incredible gardens offered by their generous neighbors gave us the enchanted forest vibe that perfectly set the tone for this sweet culmination of an 8 year love story!

Are you planning a wedding that is full of personal details, DIY centerpieces, or make it yourself decor, but need some major advice so the end result doesn't leave guests saying, "what the...?" Meet Brittney and Alex. This super fun couple loves all things Disney, superhero, Netflix, and pop culture - just to name a few - and were determined to have a wedding that felt like a party but was still infused with personality! Everything about their day, down to choosing the venue, was carefully curated to be totally "them." Even their dogs were a part of the ceremony! Dexter the ringpupper and Hazel the flower dog totally stole the show (and the awesome ceremony was literally a show, complete with choreography, stage lighting, and theater curtains)! 

So how can you learn from their months of planning, crafting, and creating their pop culture themed wedding and make it fit YOUR theme? Brittney and Alex were kind enough to answer some questions about the entire process, including sharing some helpful resources, and got honest about the big questions they had to ask themselves when deciding what direction to go! I hope you find her wisdom invaluable as you plan your own totally unique wedding!

Q: How did you incorporate your personality into your details?

A: Alex and I both love our pop culture references, getting down to a funky beat, and entertaining. We truly believe a wedding should be a celebration of who the couple is, both together and separately. When we took on the idea of having a pop culture wedding, many ideas flowed through our minds (Pinterest didn't hurt either!) and when realized we had so many TV Shows, Movies, Games, and Characters we loved, why not feature them at their own table? We took that idea one step further and tried to match our family and friends to the themes they would enjoy and it couldn't have worked out any better. Hours upon hours were spent scouring flea markets, garage sales, the internet, and my parents attic crawl space to find old toys and games. The outcome was everything we wanted, and more. As for our ceremony, this was going to be the happiest day of our lives and we wanted our music and surprise movie trailer to showcase that! Don't be afraid to think outside the box! When your groomsmen take it upon themselves to sway back and forth on the stage like N*Sync backup dancers to the processional, you know you've done a good job. 

Q: How did you choose what interests of yours were important enough to incorporate?

A: The two of us sat down together and made a list of our interests, both common and otherwise. Upon determining what size wedding we wanted, we were able to decide how many tables and in turn, what themes would make the cut! We knew right away the themes that were most important to us, Disney, Batman, Harry Potter, and Marvel were priority and from there we chose based off of our guests. This day was about them too! Everyone joining us in one way or another has shaped us into who we are and we wanted to celebrate them as well. What a joy it was to see the reactions as our guests walked around to see the other themes. It also helped the guests who didn't know each other to mingle a little more. 

Q: What was the biggest challenge for making DIY elements?

A: First things first... Pinterest at some point in your life will do you dirty. You will think you're Martha Stewart. Some of you may be. I'm a pretty good crafter but Martha I am not. Alex and I wanted to incorporate wine bottles as vases because they're a super affordable option, aka free from friends and family who like a little wine in the evening. We thought we were doing a good thing by painting them months in advance and an article on Pinterest told us how to store them. A few weeks out from the wedding we unpacked them to take a peek. Surprise! Most of them had pretty decent scuffs and paint chips - enough that they would need to be painted all over again. So much time down the drain! But, here comes my dad out of nowhere to the rescue with custom wine bottle labels he designed himself! We covered some of the scuffs with the labels, turned the good sides facing out on the rest and just like that, no wasted time. Another DIY challenge was the fact that we wanted to have actual toys or trinkets at each table. While this made our theme really shine and our guests had some props to play with (you know who you are) I don't know if either of us will ever get the grime off from sticking our arms elbow deep in totes of old McDonald toys at flea markets. 

Q: What were some helpful resources you discovered while creating your details?

A: As I mentioned earlier, think outside the box. Like far outside the box. I'm pretty sure the two of us took a high speed train from the box and never looked back. Point is, make the wedding about the two of you. We have never been fans of "normal wedding food" so we decided on a gourmet burger bar. We've received dozens of compliments on how great our food was already!  Alex and his groomsmen are all pretty big super hero/comic nerds so their boutonnieres featured their favorite lego characters. The two of us we so set on our name being on a movie theater marquee and because of that, we made amazing friendships through Amplify Church. It was a chance meeting after I googled "Indiana movie theater" and found out there was already a church where we wanted to get married! Also, don't be afraid to showcase the things you love. You will get odd looks if you choose to have a unique wedding. Try explaining to people that you're having a Game of Thrones table and you need 300 thumbtacks to make a dragon egg or that somehow purchasing the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter makes sense for your wedding. They won't see your vision until they walk into the room. But they also won't soon forget your wedding. 

Q: What advice do you have for brides to encourage them to be as unique as they want?

A: Above all, enjoy the process! We had a longer engagement than most couples and it allowed us to get every detail just the way we wanted and also allowed us the time to get everything accomplished without too much stress. There. Will. Always. Be. Stress. It's just a matter of managing it. There will be things that go wrong, there will be people that will disappoint, there will be ideas that fall short of expectation, and there will be the one thing you "couldn't live without" that you forget about until the week of your wedding. Pick the things that are important to you and build your budget around that. Flowers aren't your thing? Don't spend money on them!  We realized photos and video would last forever so we made sure to budget accordingly!  Our day was everything we wanted and more and that was largely because we stayed true to ourselves. We couldn't be happier with the outcome. 

Can't wait to see how it turned out? You will definitely not want to miss the highlights of this amazing day! Scroll on to see the "highlight reel"!

---

Ceremony: Amplify Church @ The Indiana Theater | Reception/Catering: Indiana Country Club  

Gown/Bridesmaid Dresses: Stella York from White Lace Bridal   | Hair/Makeup: Fringe Salon Co  

Rings: Lorelli's in Indiana Engagement Ring  Invitations: Vistaprint  

Florals: DIY silk flowers from Amazon | Cake: Jordan Hirak

Favors: Pittsburgh Popcorn Company | DJ: Royal Heir DJ Services

Videographer: Dylan White, PTY Productions

Photographer: Jill Gearhart Photography

Decor: DIY | Other Rentals/Vendors: Pittsburgh Wedding Flea Market

There may be things your groom isn't telling you during the wedding planning process - opinions, preferences, concerns - and maybe just maybe, this will be a great spring board for some good conversations if you're in the throws of picking out cake flavors, napkin colors, and florals. After all girl, it's YOUR big day, right? In a recent survey I conducted with 20+ brides, some my clients and some not, they gave us the scoop about what their men were concerned about with the wedding. Some of it may just surprise you!

It's my hope that you can look through these things together and have a great time connecting with your groom-to-be to ensure that your best day ever is exactly what HE was hoping for too! And for the guys reading, don't be afraid to speak up! Marriage is a UNION of two amazing lives and people, preferences and tastes, and your loving bride will definitely want you to be excited and happy about the decisions you two are making!

HE CARES ABOUT THE COST

Sure, both of you care about cost, I'm sure. But your Mr. may be a little more frugal than you realize. One bride disclosed that her groom wanted to make sure the purchases they were making were necessary. Ask your vendors if they have customizable packages to not only pare down on cost, but get exactly what you need. Many DJ's have the option to add (or take away) uplighting, monogramming, and games packages. Photographers may be able to give you a discounted rate if you only use them for the hours that you need. Maybe you can opt for the less expensive florals while still getting the same look. Just be honest with your vendors and ask! 

HE WANTS TO LOOK GOOD

Nearly every survey response I got talked about how the groom wants to look good, dress nicely but be comfortable, and rock his photos. We fuss so much about the bride and her gown (as we should because gowns are EXPENSIVE), but the groom deserves just as much attention to look super sharp. Talk to him about details like cufflinks, belts, shoes and socks, suspenders, hats, suit or tux (do you know the difference? because I didn't! Comment below if you want me to explain!), colors, fabrics, etc etc etc. The fun thing about the grooms outfit is that there are so many details and layers to it. Your fella can literally design a custom look by layering fabrics and colors, and choosing details that he wants. The only thing my husband and I fought about during our wedding planning was his boutonniere, of all things, so trust me when I say your man will care about every last detail of his look! (We did paper flowers and he was convinced it was going to look like a clown boutonniere that sprayed water, LOL!)

HE CARES ABOUT THE CEREMONY

Maybe your man isn't much for details with tablescapes and outfits, but there are many grooms out there that care about the ceremony. One bride told me that her fiancé had a lot of input with planning special elements about the ceremony. In fact, he wants to do a foot washing ceremony, which is a super special and tender act of service, imitating how Jesus washed the feet of his disciples before sitting down for a meal. Another bride said that her now-husband had similar concerns with making sure everything went right because "he is very religious." The ceremony is the part where you make a covenant with each other, and if this your belief, with God. You definitely want to make sure that your hubby is represented here! Also, be sure to talk about how your husband hopes to incorporate family in your ceremony. It's easy to look out for and honor your own family, but remember that you are now becoming one and blending your families into one as well. 

HE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HE'S IN FOR

Unless you are hiring an event manager or a crew to set up your venue, there's a good chance you are going to rely on the men in your life to build, transport, lift, and set up things for your wedding. Make sure to have the conversation early and fully with your hubby (and anyone else!) so he knows exactly what is expected of him day-of.

HE WANTS GOOD FOOD

I mean who doesn't? But for the guys, it seems to be super important, according to my surveyed brides. Definitely allow him to come with you to taste test, and if you're budget allows, allow him to choose the "second option" for a meal. A few weddings I've been to had a catered BBQ with smokers and the whole deal, which is something the groom really enjoyed. If your man has a favorite type of food or dish, it is a really sweet way to honor him by pulling out all the stops and getting the food he loves. After all, the way to a man's heart.... 

HE WANTS TO INCLUDE HIS FRIENDS

One bride told me that her groom asked specifically to have a head table as opposed to a sweetheart table. This may seem like an oddly specific thing for a groom to have a preference on, but it really makes sense when you think about the relationships he has with his groomsmen. This likely may be the last time all of them get together to spend an entire day making memories, so be sure to ask your groom how he wants to honor his friends.

HE WANTS TO HAVE FUN

It's said that the ceremony "belongs to the bride" and the reception "belongs to the groom". While that may not be true (you just read why!), so many grooms definitely care about music. This might be a great responsibility to hand off to your fiancé, allowing him to talk with the DJ's and select the music that's important to him. A good DJ can make or break the reception, and if you're hosting your friends and family for the most epic party ever, your hubby wants to be sure that everyone is having fun.

HE REALLY DOES CARE ABOUT EVERYTHING

You know why grooms actually DO care about most things in the wedding process, even if they don't vocalize it? Because they care about YOU. If it's important to you, the man who loves you will count it important as well. While it's really important to do as much of your planning TOGETHER as you can, plan to take some time AWAY from planning together too. Trust me on this, the rest of your life will be a struggle to carve out quality time and have conversations that aren't centered around what you need from the grocery store. Step away from the details and logistics every once in a while and just take time to connect. It's conversations like this that made you fall in love in the first place, after all.

Thank you to all the brides who participated in the bridal survey! The winner of the free session will be drawn later this week! And if you missed the entry period, don't worry. You can catch it again next year! Don't forget about the other special I'm running through March! Read about it below!

---

When planning your wedding, do you rely on your friends recommendations, a google search, local magazines, or maybe bridal shows to find the best vendors? How can you be really sure that you are getting the best of the best, while still getting a good price for your area? It's become more and more popular for photographers and other local vendors to participate in "styled shoots", that is, a fake wedding that pulls together the best local wedding vendors to show off their services in as "real" of a setting you can get!

Styled shoots are great for you to look out for and pay attention to because it literally shows you a "trial run" of all the best, hand selected vendors in your area. Who better to pick a team of super services that those that are in constant community with each other in the wedding industry? As wedding professionals, we have worked with nearly every local vendor there is and can recommend the best to you through our styled shoots - because we picked them ourselves! For the guys reading this - think of it like your fantasy football draft of all the best wedding vendors in town, and they are facing off to show you their stuff!

The idea is that local vendors all come together in collaboration, donating time and services, to show you, the bride to be, the best of what they can do or offer. It's better than a recommendation, search engine session, perusing a magazine, or waltzing around a bridal show because you can see exactly what your wedding would be like if you were to hire them.

My great friend Jackie and I have been planning this styled shoot for months! We were over-the-moon excited when vendors one by one gave enthusiastic "yes!"s to help us pull off an unforgettable day! Be sure to check out the local vendors, hand selected by us for their excellent services, for your wedding, and be sure to like them on facebook and give them a follow on Instagram!

Photographers: J.Jae Photography + Jill Gearhart Photography

Venue: The Barn at Rayne Run

Rental Furniture: Penn Rustics

Gown: White Lace Bridal featuring Stella York

Shoes: Jewel by Badgley Mischka

Tuxedo: The 700 Shop  featuring Stephen Geoffrey

Jewelry: Luxenberg's Jewlers

Florals: The Flower Gallery

Calligraphy/Invitation Suite: Victoria Fiaretti

Hair: JC Penney

Models: Adam + Tara Maruca

Evergreen Swing / Assistant: Ryan Anderson

Are you considering having your wedding on or around a holiday? As if weddings aren't overwhelming enough, let's throw the craziness and busyness of the holidays into the mix! But, there can be some great benefits to hosting your friends and family around such iconic times. Whether it's New Year's Eve like Casey and Jon, or a Labor Day wedding, Halloween wedding, Valentine's Wedding - whatever - there are lots of great reasons to take on the added logistics of a holiday wedding. 

FAMILY

One of the obvious benefits of a holiday wedding is that it's likely that family will be in town. If having those that you love close for your wedding is important to you, this is a big win. I've photographed a lot of weddings around Labor Day or Memorial Day, which is really smart in my opinion because most people have off the following Monday - which means an extra day to recover from all the shenanigans! Be sure to book flights and blocks of hotel rooms well in advance, however, because a lot of people will be traveling and staying during these times of the year.

Traditions

As you grow old and gray together, think of how special your anniversary will be enveloped in the special traditions you normally do around the holiday. While still enjoying all of your normal traditions, it will be that much sweeter to mix celebrating your love in with it!  It's likely that family will be close by for the holidays anyway, and how special will it be to reminisce with everyone about how magical your wedding day was?! Plus, the big perk - your husband probably won't forget your anniversary!

decor

A really fun part of a holiday wedding is the decorations! If you are unsure how or what to decorate with, most holidays come with "usual", iconic things that people can immediately identify with. This also allows you to have some fun and go a bit non-traditional from the normal flowers and candles, incorporating anything that is special to you from pumpkins to pine cones. You can even extend this idea into the type of dress you and your guests wear!

take it from the bride

What does Casey, the lovely bride featured here, have to say about having a NYE wedding?

"Do it!! It’s a really crazy time of year and I remember saying to myself on Christmas Eve, “who said it was a good idea to get married the week after Christmas?” But in all honesty, if I could do it all over again, I’d pick New Year’s Eve every time. Jon and I picked that day for a couple of reasons, first of all we never have anything fun to do on NYE so it seemed fitting that we would just throw the party this year. The second reason is that NYE is the first time Jon realized I existed when he saw a picture of me on Facebook that his cousin (and my best friend Rachel) posted of us, so again, it all seemed fitting.

For us, the actual wedding was all about getting family and friends together to celebrate and getting married on a holiday is the absolute perfect time to do it! I don’t think it even matters what holiday it is, just the fact that you were all going to get together anyways but now it makes it extra special!

As far as advice to those brides who want to get married on or around a holiday: have fun with it! You picked that holiday on purpose, so party it up! We incorporated NYE with putting out hats and noise makers our around 10:30pm that way they weren’t in all the wedding pictures but we wanted it to be a wedding/NYE party. I think it took the stress away from “the perfect wedding” knowing that it was also a party to bring in the new year. When I did start to get a little stressed, I just kept telling myself, it’s just a New Year’s party and I already have my outfit picked out so I’m ahead of the game! "

"The biggest thing to remember is the wedding is just about celebrating the day

and the marriage is about celebrating for a lifetime."

Do you wish you could do more with your wedding dress other than stuff it in a closet for another day and another lifetime? You spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on your wedding gown, and hopefully that cash means you feel like a million bucks on your big day, so why should the fate of your gown be a dark and lonely one in a garment bag in the back of your closet? It's becoming more and more popular for couple to schedule anniversary sessions where the gown gets to come out of retirement, and a bride gets to feel just as special as she did on her favorite day.

A few of my friends have done this, and if I still had my gown I totally would (more on that HERE), so when Kelly approached me about doing an anniversary session (I was a bridesmaid for her wedding), I was SUPER excited. We had such fun planning a mini wedding day, Kelly calling on some of the best local vendors in the industry to get her ready for her re-debut as a bride! Her gorgeous, soft up-do was done by Hannah at Cameron's Salon, the stunning makeup was courtesy of BethyMae, and of course, a girl's gotta accessorize! Kelly got a custom necklace made by Rosie at Miss Pie Jewelry!

Kelly and I have been close friends for quite some time, and there's not much she loves more than catching up with friends over a cup of coffee from the Commonplace (except shopping, of course. And LuLaRoe). Luckily her hubby also likes coffee, so it was natural that she and Jamison started off the anniversary session with a waltz into this super cool coffeehouse to share a cup in their Mr. and Mrs. mugs!

We intended to cut into their cake from yester-year, but none of us realized that it was akin to a delicious frosted glacier and would take several days to thaw out. There's your pro-tip: a week before your anniversary, set a reminder on your phone to move your cake from the freezer to the fridge. After the frozen cake and the hot coffee (and a few shocked stares from college students cramming for finals), we headed to Pittsburgh to get some magical photos in front of the Christmas tree at PPG Place.

As you can imagine, we got some crazy looks as we ran around both Indiana and Pittsburgh in the 17 degree weather in full wedding regalia, but I think you'll agree the end results are worth it! My awesome friend Jackie from J.jae Photography let me try out her super cool Mag Mod flash modifier, and when you throw in the gentle snowfall with this dreamy backlight, well, you just gotta see for yourself!

Are you a bridesmaid? Do you have friends that are girls? Chances are, you will be in or involved in a wedding at some point in your life, and there's no better way to support your bestie than by being the most kick-butt bridesmaid or friend you can be on the wedding day. In this first ever guest blog post, the beautiful Mary Kuehn shares 10 lessons that bridesmaids can learn from her vast experience - 11 I do's and counting! Mary was a great sport as I drug her around town to capture all of these dresses, toting a literal box of them, changing in cars, venturing down locked stairwells, climbing on landscaping, twirling like a fool in view of band camp students... she's really quite amazing!

Without further ado.... here's Mary!

Hello!  No, I haven't gotten married eleven times--not even once, in fact!  I've just stood to the left with flowers in my hands a bunch of times while other people did.  I'm no Katherine Heigl, but hopefully I've learned something from these dresses, and I'm excited to get to share that with you.  As a bridesmaid, you are not the point, and there's a lot to do.  But, cheesy as it sounds, it also really is an honor to stand up and support your friend/relative/future in-law as she gets married, so make sure you enjoy it too!  The less stressed you are, the more you will enjoy it, so here are a few tips to make things a little easier.

P.S. One thing I didn't learn from being in weddings is how to wrap a sari, much as I loved wearing one!  My apologies to those of you that know what it really should look like and recognize that I can't dress myself.

Communicate

You, the bride, and the other bridesmaids are on the same team! Talk to them, and be nice to each other. If you're in different geographies, start an email thread or a group text and introduce yourselves.  You'll be glad!  You don't have to be BFFs with them all, but it will be so much more fun to collaborate if you know each other's names.  And who knows, maybe you'll even find a new friend.  The only reason I know the lovely Jill Stiffler is because we were both bridesmaids in a wedding last year, and now I can't imagine not knowing her!

More specifically, talk about duties and costs for the shower, bachelorette party, etc.  Costs add up quickly, and no one wants to be caught off guard having to suddenly pay for something they can't afford, so it helps to be sensitive to this and plan together.  Here's a spreadsheet template I used to keep shower costs organized and split them evenly, and the rest of the bridal party really appreciated it!  You can customize the formulas (don't worry, they're super simple!) with your bridesmaids' names and then just toss in anything anyone pays for.  You can also use an app like Splitwise to do the same sort of thing.

Plan Early

Your biggest job when it comes to planning will be putting together the bridal shower and bachelorette party, if the bride wants them.  The maid of honor is in charge, but she can't do it alone.  Start planning as soon as you can so you don't wind up rushing to throw things together, and don't be afraid to ask for help!  Find out what the bride would like since these parties are for her, after all, and don't forget to involve her mom in the shower if she wants that.  Moms always like to be thought of, even if they don't want to help with planning!

Another part of planning early is to start saving money for your dress, shoes, shower costs, hair appointment, etc.  Unfortunately, being in a wedding can be expensive, and that can be frustrating.  Even if you're doing things as cheaply as possible, you'll be glad if you set some money aside as soon as you know you'll be a bridesmaid.

Get Your Dress ASAP

Don't leave dresses until the last minute!  A lot of this depends on the bride deciding what she wants you to wear (and remember, that's ultimately up to her! don't be a dress bully), but the earlier you can get this worked out, the better.  Depending on where you get them, dresses can take several weeks or even months to come in, and you may need alterations.  Hopefully your friends have good taste like mine do, but even a hideous dress will look way better if it fits you properly.  

Don't Forget Your Feet

Break your shoes in a bit before the day of the wedding!  You'll feel (and look) so much more comfortable walking down the aisle if you've already walked around in your shoes.  Wear them to the rehearsal, so you'll know how they feel on the actual floor/grass/stone path you'll be walking on.  Besides, you'll spare yourself the horror of realizing as you're stepping into the aisle that your shoes are too big and literally flopping off your feet, when at that point there is nothing you can do but smile and desperately try not to trip.  Trust me and those gorgeous mint green peep toes on this one...seriously.  And bring some flats for the reception!

Make an Emergency Kit

This is for the day of the wedding.  I once had a dress split up the side just moments before I had to walk down the aisle!  No one noticed.  There are always a few little last minute fixes that someone in the bridal party needs, so it's helpful to bring a few things with you, such as:

• Makeup--even if you're getting it done by someone else, you usually have to bring your own foundation and mascara, plus anything you'll need for touchups at the last minute

• Tissues

• Bobby pins

• Safety pins, and maybe even a sewing kit

• Hairspray

• Deodorant

• Dental floss, mouthwash

• A razor--why does someone always forget to shave their pits?!

• Clear tape--for sudden dress or shoe emergencies

• Steamer--not as crucial, but slightly miraculous if anyone's dress is wrinkled

• A non-messy snack--see below

Be a Problem Solver

This is always a good thing to be, but I'm specifically referring to the morning of the wedding.  Remember, you're part of the bride's team.  Make her day less stressful, and protect her sanity in any way you can.  If people are peppering her with questions you can answer, answer them.  If someone wants her to solve a problem you can take care of, solve it.  Just do what needs to be done.  She has plenty to think about, and part of your job is to make hers easier so she can fully enjoy her wedding day!  

Know What's Expected

Pitch in, stay afterward, and help clean up.  The bride and groom's families will be SO grateful for this.  Bring a change of shoes, or even a full change of clothes if you want, so that this is easier.  Random last minute things will come up in the few days leading up to the wedding, so be prepared to help the bride out with whatever she needs (both practical needs and emotional support) that week.  Again, just do what needs to be done, and when everyone does that, things go pretty fast!  This day is not about you, and remembering that will make you so much happier about serving your friends and helping out.  

Don't Get Hangry

It took me a few weddings to remember this one.  While the guests are snacking on appetizers before the reception, you will be taking lots of pictures.  Breakfast, if you even ate it, was a while ago by now.  You will definitely get hungry.  Anyone who thinks to bring snacks (or commissions a guest to bring them a tray of appetizers) will be a bridal party hero!  Also, make sure the bride eats at least a little bit on her wedding day.  She will forget, and even if she remembers, she'll find she's too busy and has too many people to talk to.  Be a dear and just bring her some food.

Have Grace for Yourself

Things will go wrong.  It's okay.  They will probably be tiny things that no one will notice, but even if they're not, just look for where you can help, and do what needs to be done.  As long as the bride and groom wind up married to each other, it's been a successful day!  This leads us into:

Remember the Why

Even though yeah, we already know this and it sounds trite, it's way too easy to lose sight of the most important thing of all when the details are overwhelming.  Remember the reason you are here, and help the bride remember it too. You love the bride and groom, they love each other, and they are about to commit their lives to one another.  Wow!  At the heart of all this, your most important job is not to avert disaster, plan a shower, look pretty, or smooth the train of a dress. You're here to support two friends in their marriage, not just in the details of their wedding day.  Marriage is a big deal!  It is exciting and serious and life-changing!  The bride and groom are building a life together, not just planning a party, and if you or they forget that, none of the wedding details matter.  

Stop for a minute and let that really sink in!  Their marriage matters the most.  Remind the bride of this when she gets overwhelmed, too.  Pray for them, for their relationship and their marriage, and let the little planning details fall into perspective.  Make sure you remember it again when the ceremony is about to begin.  Give her one last hug as a single lady, smile down the aisle, enjoy your front row view of their vows, and have fun celebrating your friends!

Wedding ring tattoos are becoming more and more trendy with couples opting trend to skip the wedding bands and get a wedding ring tattoo. While it's certainly a cheaper alternative to shelling out $$$$ for a sparkly stunner, there are definitely some things you want to consider (and that I wish I knew) before getting inked.

There are actually quite a few of our friends that have wedding ring tattoos. You can see Brian's diamond on the left, Brandon and I have the anchors, and our friend Dom has an "E" for his wife Emily. 

DECIDING ON A wedding ring TATTOO

So why did we take the plunge? When we got married, Brandon and I were both about 50lbs heavier, and while I could get my beautiful rings (pic below) adjusted as the weight came off, his Tungsten Carbide ring was not able to be resized. (Did you know that TC rings can't be resized?! Because we didn't when we bought it! Don't say I never warned you!) For our 4 year anniversary, I rallied for tattoos instead of a hubby with a naked finger.

WHAT TO KNOW BEFORE YOU GET a wedding ring TATTOO

I am obviously not a tattoo artist, so I preface this with a "Call and ask your tattoo artist first!"

• What does it cost? I called a LOT of tattoo shops and most told me that finger tattoos would be charged "shop minimum" (to my understanding, it's the baseline fee that covers your needle, the time, etc.). It depends on the shop of course, but ours were $60 each at Ikonic Ink.

• Did it hurt? Yep. But it's over so fast that it's no big deal. I have tattoos on my wrist and feet, and this one was the worst.

• How well does it heal? My tattoo artist warned me about this (and some shops won't even do finger tattoos because of this), but finger tattoos often won't stand the test of time. Between hand washing, friction from gloves/rings/etc., and other ways we abuse our hands, finger tats often wear more quickly than other tattoos and will need to be touched up. *edit 6 years later and it’s a little fuzzy but still looks great (see below)*
   

can you still wear rings with a finger tattoo?

Getting a tat doesn't mean you have to give up your rings. In fact, I still wear mine over top of my tattoo. Plus, it is a precious family heirloom that can be passed on to your children (and rings are REALLY fun to photograph!)