What Your Groom Wont Tell You During Wedding Planning
There may be things your groom isn't telling you during the wedding planning process - opinions, preferences, concerns - and maybe just maybe, this will be a great spring board for some good conversations if you're in the throws of picking out cake flavors, napkin colors, and florals. After all girl, it's YOUR big day, right? In a recent survey I conducted with 20+ brides, some my clients and some not, they gave us the scoop about what their men were concerned about with the wedding. Some of it may just surprise you!
It's my hope that you can look through these things together and have a great time connecting with your groom-to-be to ensure that your best day ever is exactly what HE was hoping for too! And for the guys reading, don't be afraid to speak up! Marriage is a UNION of two amazing lives and people, preferences and tastes, and your loving bride will definitely want you to be excited and happy about the decisions you two are making!
HE CARES ABOUT THE COST
Sure, both of you care about cost, I'm sure. But your Mr. may be a little more frugal than you realize. One bride disclosed that her groom wanted to make sure the purchases they were making were necessary. Ask your vendors if they have customizable packages to not only pare down on cost, but get exactly what you need. Many DJ's have the option to add (or take away) uplighting, monogramming, and games packages. Photographers may be able to give you a discounted rate if you only use them for the hours that you need. Maybe you can opt for the less expensive florals while still getting the same look. Just be honest with your vendors and ask!
HE WANTS TO LOOK GOOD
Nearly every survey response I got talked about how the groom wants to look good, dress nicely but be comfortable, and rock his photos. We fuss so much about the bride and her gown (as we should because gowns are EXPENSIVE), but the groom deserves just as much attention to look super sharp. Talk to him about details like cufflinks, belts, shoes and socks, suspenders, hats, suit or tux (do you know the difference? because I didn't! Comment below if you want me to explain!), colors, fabrics, etc etc etc. The fun thing about the grooms outfit is that there are so many details and layers to it. Your fella can literally design a custom look by layering fabrics and colors, and choosing details that he wants. The only thing my husband and I fought about during our wedding planning was his boutonniere, of all things, so trust me when I say your man will care about every last detail of his look! (We did paper flowers and he was convinced it was going to look like a clown boutonniere that sprayed water, LOL!)
HE CARES ABOUT THE CEREMONY
Maybe your man isn't much for details with tablescapes and outfits, but there are many grooms out there that care about the ceremony. One bride told me that her fiancé had a lot of input with planning special elements about the ceremony. In fact, he wants to do a foot washing ceremony, which is a super special and tender act of service, imitating how Jesus washed the feet of his disciples before sitting down for a meal. Another bride said that her now-husband had similar concerns with making sure everything went right because "he is very religious." The ceremony is the part where you make a covenant with each other, and if this your belief, with God. You definitely want to make sure that your hubby is represented here! Also, be sure to talk about how your husband hopes to incorporate family in your ceremony. It's easy to look out for and honor your own family, but remember that you are now becoming one and blending your families into one as well.
HE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HE'S IN FOR
Unless you are hiring an event manager or a crew to set up your venue, there's a good chance you are going to rely on the men in your life to build, transport, lift, and set up things for your wedding. Make sure to have the conversation early and fully with your hubby (and anyone else!) so he knows exactly what is expected of him day-of.
HE WANTS GOOD FOOD
I mean who doesn't? But for the guys, it seems to be super important, according to my surveyed brides. Definitely allow him to come with you to taste test, and if you're budget allows, allow him to choose the "second option" for a meal. A few weddings I've been to had a catered BBQ with smokers and the whole deal, which is something the groom really enjoyed. If your man has a favorite type of food or dish, it is a really sweet way to honor him by pulling out all the stops and getting the food he loves. After all, the way to a man's heart....
HE WANTS TO INCLUDE HIS FRIENDS
One bride told me that her groom asked specifically to have a head table as opposed to a sweetheart table. This may seem like an oddly specific thing for a groom to have a preference on, but it really makes sense when you think about the relationships he has with his groomsmen. This likely may be the last time all of them get together to spend an entire day making memories, so be sure to ask your groom how he wants to honor his friends.
HE WANTS TO HAVE FUN
It's said that the ceremony "belongs to the bride" and the reception "belongs to the groom". While that may not be true (you just read why!), so many grooms definitely care about music. This might be a great responsibility to hand off to your fiancé, allowing him to talk with the DJ's and select the music that's important to him. A good DJ can make or break the reception, and if you're hosting your friends and family for the most epic party ever, your hubby wants to be sure that everyone is having fun.
HE REALLY DOES CARE ABOUT EVERYTHING
You know why grooms actually DO care about most things in the wedding process, even if they don't vocalize it? Because they care about YOU. If it's important to you, the man who loves you will count it important as well. While it's really important to do as much of your planning TOGETHER as you can, plan to take some time AWAY from planning together too. Trust me on this, the rest of your life will be a struggle to carve out quality time and have conversations that aren't centered around what you need from the grocery store. Step away from the details and logistics every once in a while and just take time to connect. It's conversations like this that made you fall in love in the first place, after all.
Thank you to all the brides who participated in the bridal survey! The winner of the free session will be drawn later this week! And if you missed the entry period, don't worry. You can catch it again next year! Don't forget about the other special I'm running through March! Read about it below!
YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD WITH A PHOTO SESSION! My sweet friend Jessie Duca is going Lilongwe, Malawi this summer to work with Mission SOS International! They will be preaching the gospel, healing the sick and sharing the love of Jesus with the people there through outreach, drama, dance, and festivals! When you book an hour session during February or March and you mention this post, 100% of your session fee goes to Jessie and her trip!